someone threw a dead crab at me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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