just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
