ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
