he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
