Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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