Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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