The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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