cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this boner is exhausting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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