Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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