Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
