So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my shit smells like andre
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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