Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
