took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He has the fingertips of a God
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