you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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