Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
