How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
