I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
