I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize