Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
