now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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