a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
