What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
