Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
