No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
