I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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