So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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