sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
