Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
