i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
