and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
