Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
