Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
