period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
