If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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