I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
