woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
