I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something