she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...