thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.