I want to make a zoo with you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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