u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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