my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
