we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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