Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I looked at my own cervix.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
