I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
