You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize