In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
