great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
