No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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