I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
