the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
