the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
