In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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