I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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