How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
