my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
