I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
