That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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