guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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