god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
