I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
