Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
