my phone needs a breathalizer
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
