I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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