Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They have beer where we have blood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
