it wasn't lemon gatorade
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have aggressive nipples.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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