were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
