So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
