Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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