I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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