Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize