I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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