two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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