I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
