That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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