I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
