Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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