My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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