i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
